I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
