I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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