I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
