Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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