I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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