i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
