I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i think we sleep fucked last night...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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