I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
