She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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