Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
