K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
