Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
