wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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