Fine. I'll sleep in my office
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
