Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
