I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
