I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
