My nipple is on Facebook.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
