Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize