She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Drunk is not a location!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
