Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
