We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
