I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
