I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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