watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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