So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
