i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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