FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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