I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
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