woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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