false alarm. still invincible.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
