If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Why can't burritos get me drunk
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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