taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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