I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
