I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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