i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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