Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
