you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
