Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
