I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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