During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
