haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
