I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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