someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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