if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
