My first STD was from a foam party
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
