does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
