Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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