he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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