I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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