I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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