he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
