He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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