We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
