woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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