and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
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Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
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She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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