I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
