I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
