When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Watching her eat just hurts me
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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