I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
