shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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