You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
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I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
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He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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