My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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