there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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