Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
