You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
