Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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