Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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