I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
you never un-have a 4some
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
