I feel like abortions should bother me more
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
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drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
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Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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