im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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