11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
