did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
