her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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